If I haven’t offended you lately….

​”Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” – Psalm 139:23‭-‬24 NIV (http://bible.com/111/psa.139.23-24.NIV)

I believe in God the Father, God the Holy Spirit, and God the Son. I believe in the Holy Scriptures as the inspired Word of God. For most of my adult life, I turned my back on the Truth of God’s Word and spent my time having all the “fun” I could in order to cover up how miserable I was. There were times when I would have a temporary “awakening” of sorts, and turn back to God, but I wasn’t wholly committed. I wasn’t ready to deny all of the “fun”! I wasn’t tired of being tired, or fed up with being fed up. Until I became sick and tired of being sick and tired, I wasn’t willing to open my eyes to the real problem. It wasn’t the alcoholic I was in a relationship with. It wasn’t the boss or my coworkers. It wasn’t the waiter or waitress or banker or car mechanic. It wasn’t my parents or siblings. (I could go on and on!)

The problem was me. That is a hard pill to swallow.

I have family members who are currently in that cycle, and friends and acquaintances. It makes my heart hurt, knowing the cure but not being able to apply it. Everyone has to recognize and accept the cure of their own free will. 

Test me, Lord, for the impatient thoughts I have. Search me for the irritations, and wash them from my heart. The only cure for my shortcomings is through the complete acceptance of your Son, Jesus Christ. Let the Holy Spirit overcome me so that I may relinquish my will to Yours. 

David has written a beautiful psalm of acceptance and forgiveness:

“You have searched me, Lord , and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord , know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you. If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord , and abhor those who are in rebellion against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” – Psalm 139:1‭-‬24 NIV (http://bible.com/111/psa.139.1-24.NIV)

And all I can say is Amen.

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