“I can do it myself ….. pull yourself up ….. anything you can do, I can do better ….. I am woman, hear me roar ….. don’t be a whiner, just do it …..”

Any of these sound familiar to you? Like so many societies before us, we preach self-sufficiency and to depend only on ourselves. Well, just let me ask you this : how’s that workin’ out for you? For me, not so good. Depending on my strength, and being dependent on another person, has let me dig a hole of debt and despair bigger and deeper than I was in before; deep enough that I can’t possibly get out on my own. Paul addresses this in a letter to the Corinthians, where he references back to the exodus of the Jewish people as they left Egypt.

“If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And GOD is Faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure.” – 1 Corinthians 10:12‭-‬13 NLT

I’ve been proud of my strength. Working in different areas of tne building trades, I strove to be as good as any man on the crew. No, I always wanted to be seen as better than any man…. “as good as” wasn’t good enough. I stocked 50# boxes of nails and screws, and 80# buckets of drywall mud, I loaded lumber and plywood and sheetrock; I carried 90# rolls of roofing and bundles of shingles up ladders. I tried to out-ride my friends on horseback; I climbed rock faces; I taught myself to ski; I wanted to out-dance any of the others. I was, simply put, a show off. My pride was my downfall then, and it is still a thorn in my side. Because of my pride, I have had multiple surgeries to repair damage I did to myself while determined to be the best, using only my own strength. If I had relied on God instead of myself, I think I could have avoided some of the injuries. Not my strength, not letting my pride push outside my physical limits, but believing that God made me to be myself, His child, sufficient unto Him.

Now, because I had to have a bigger and better house, and more “stuff,” and then I lost my job and depended on a man’s committment to me to support this lifestyle, I find myself in that deep hole I was referring to earlier. Depending on man will always leave us wanting. Learning to depend wholly and completely on God is scary. I’m learning to pray “YOUR Will be done, not mine; not my strength, LORD, but Yours. Not riches, but enough. Amen.”

I want to work, and I hope I can stay where I am. Pray for me to be open to whatever it is God is telling me. Pray that I will rest in HIS Strength, rather than my own.